Agassi Shoots Italian That Nobody Really Knew nor Wanted to Win Anyways

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Point Penalty, Mr. Agassi: homicide

Playing in his final Wimbledon, Andre Agassi, upstart ponytailed tennis wunderkind turned shiny-headed monk in short shorts shot dead Italian opponent Andreas Seppi on court during his second round match today, immediately turning away in an “I don’t care who saw me do it” manner.

Upon announcing his retirement from the sport after this year’s US Open in September, Agassi, who improbably won the grand prize at the All-England club in 1992 after refusing to play for years due to their all-white people, I mean, clothing policy, took a little more liberty with his current rights as the tour’s Old Man River, saying he prefers to be called an “agent of natural selection”, and to stop singing that song from “Showboat” already, he gets it.

Next up is 2nd ranked Spanish pitbull and reigning French Open champ/Roger Federer’s Daddy Rafa Nadal. We’ll see Saturday if he’s a Darwinist, too.

~ by Jeff on June 30, 2006.

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