Why do we allow malignant yahoos* to own guns again?
* Note: I recently changed the subject of this title from people to its current moniker because I do admit that some people (eg, active soldiers, law enforcement, Lewis and Clark, Bruce Willis in the original Die Hard movie at the end because if he didn’t have that gun duct taped to his back, there’s no way he’s saving his wife and getting out of that building…) have a strong argument for needing a gun. I still think we have a serious problem as to why so many people want them.
Believe me, I’m the last person who wants to point a finger in the air and say, “Michael Moore was right!” But can somebody remind me again why, oh why, do we allow such unrestricted gun possession in America?
Less than one month ago, there was a running shooting spree on Bleecker Street on a balmy evening at 9pm on the very block I once lived on with 3 brutally murdered including two volunteer police officers shot execution style, and the gunman killed by police after running out of ammunition.
Today, in “the deadliest shooting rampage in American history”, 32 students at Virginia Tech were killed today, not including the gunman who then shot himself in the head in such a manner as to significantly delay forensics identity tests. THIRTY-TWO students, most of them in a single classroom, others apparently “lined up and shot”.
Oh, wait. Right. We need to protect our constitutional rights to shoot quail and attorney friends of the Vice President. Or, the “tough” logic goes, we need to be able to protect ourselves from the crazy lunatics who would shoot up our schools and loved ones. “If only every student at Columbine High School had been packing! Things would have turned out differently!” Just taking two seconds to actually think critically of the consequences of this logic (just rent Dr. Strangelove if you lack the imagination) reveals the Neanderthal idiocy of it. Maybe if we had prevented the guns from getting out there in the first place, we wouldn’t have this problem. Obviously, it’s too late to cry over spilled milk, so instead, we might as well just spray the goddamn milk all over the place.
To lighten things up (and because I don’t have any new soluble ideas about gun legislation) I’m going to leave you with Chris Rock’s idea, which reveals an unsettling grasp of economic theory: (transcript follows below for the anti-streamers)
“Everybody is talking about gun control. Got to control the guns. Fuck, that…. No, I think we need some bullet control. I think every bullet should cost five thousand dollars. Five thousand dollars for a bullet. Know why? Cos if a bullet cost five thousand dollars, there’d be no more innocent by-standers. That’d be it. Some guy’d be shot, you’d be all ‘Damn, he must’ve done something, he’s got fifty thousand dollars worth of bullets in his ass!’ And people’d think before they shot someone ‘Man I will blow your fucking head off, if I could afford it. I’m gonna get me a second job, start saving up, and you a dead man. You’d better hope I don’t get no bullets on lay-away!’ And even if you get shot you wouldn’t need to go to the emergency room. Whoever shot you’d take their bullet back. ‘I believe you got my property?’ That’s right.”